grr!

Phol is pissing me off again! He got angry cuz I didn't wanna go to the gym, I was enjoying my time with my family! We don't get to do much together cuz Phol always wants to go do something or doesn't have time or whatever! But today we had time! Why can't I find a boyfriend who enjoys being with my family as much as me? I can't be with a guy who doesn't fit in with my family! or friends for that matter! Then he comes over and expects to be babied! make him food, let him cuddle on me! NO! I need a MAN!! I don't know how much I can take! What's terrible is now that he's moved out we make up less and fight just about the same! and he always ruins my really good mood when I'm with my family! Seriously, ALWAYS! I'm tired of missing out because of him! I feel like he's always testing me and pushing me to see just how much I will give up for him and do for him! AGH! I'm just not going to talk to him tomorrow, I'm pissed off now! and I was all ready to go to bed and now I'm not and I have to be up in less than 8 hours...sometimes, I really hate him :(

WOW! lol

So I have not been on here in forever and it is so weird going back and reading that, to think that since September, I have broken up with said boyfriend twice and we are currently back together and have been for quite some time! We still have issues especially about the old guy friend I liked so much before him. We still fight over stupid things, but I'm forcing myself not to worry about him anymore. I do trust him and I understand where he's coming from with this whole Alex thing and I know I don't need to talk to Alex about stuff, but I enjoyed his conversation. He's definitely something different, he was talking to me more and that pisses off the boy toy, but I really don't feel the same way I did for him before! And I know that because I love Phol! Oh so much! I miss Alex like I would miss talking to Julia after so long. But I'll live, as long as Phol doesn't get so jealous about him anymore! Phol lived with me for awhile and he's been gone for almost a  whole week and I miss it so much! But at the same time I enjoy the freedom, but I appreciated all the time we were able to spend together. I think not living together is going to take a big toll on us and may or may not just make or break us! I really hope we make it! I am not imagining a life or marriage with him quite yet, tho I have thought if we got an apt together or something how that would work out...? I want a puppy, I think he and I would have so much fun with that! I'm getting over all the girls who talk to him cuz I know he'll always come to me! except noel...still have some niggling issues with her lol but I won't make him stop talking to her...just hanging out with her haha I hate it when we fight and snap at each other, but we're working on it and I think it's getting better. So it's good :) very good! I'm hoping to get back into some school this summer but I have to pay and I am quite broke! I owed on taxes so that really sucked! But I'm going to join the gym with pholly too! So should be great :) lots of fun and love ;) I am so EXCITED for this summer!

Clean Sweep On Me!

I'm sitting at home, kinda bored and a little lonely...I just broke up with my boyfriend a little over a week ago and he took it hard and has been trying to get me back together since until yesterday I was able to convince him to let me go and just be friends which I don't think is a possibility for us because he is a little hostile and I don't take well to that! He can blame me all he wants and say whatever, but I'm not going to be there to listen to it from anyone...he was drunk texting me last night and I was getting really annoyed, but I haven't heard from him at all today and he deleted me off of Facebook, but I was just thinking I need to go back through my life and clean sweep everything and everyone I no longer really want or need! Julia is hanging out with him sometime next week and she seems to think it's ok, so apparently she didn't learn last time so I have a fuck you both attitude, excuse my language, but wow really?! So I think he and I are forever finished until he can grow up because I would rather avoid the drama and pain...on a good note though, my good ol' friend Alex was talking to me. And he said I should go over and hang out some time to see his kitty :) he has an adorable kitten and I've been wanting to meet him for awhile, but it's been awkward since I had a bf, but we are good now I guess....I need some support, somwhere, no one is really talking to me. Idk what else to talk about, but Alex knows how to just keep going...I've really missed that! So I'm glad, but then sad lol...it will all work itself out....we are packing Saturday and moving out of the house Sunday! I am so excited!

bored...

I am bored and just sitting at home watching the weather channel so I am going to just blabber on about nothing lol. Hmm...well now I don't know what to talk about. Well I guess I could talk about where I work, I work at a Ross Dress For Less store. I basically do everything, fitting room, customer service (I know, we don't have the greatest, but have you seen our lines?! I will apologize anyway and thank you for your patience.) anyways, all that good stuff. I love my manager, she is the greatest and just a wonderful woman altogether, I'm glad she is a part of my life! I actually work with my boy toy. He got hired after me, he was a bit of a stalker before we started dating :) haha 10 years of that, imagine...Also the guy I used to like works there, that's how I met him...sort of a triangle going on with that haha. My boy toy gets very jealous of my friend and I respect his feelings, but my friend is a great person to talk to when you need someone. He's a bit of a jerk, but aren't most guys?! :) ummm...I have two dogs, I think I mentioned. They are shelties, not Lassies, there is a big difference! One is a tricolor, mostly black and his name is Tobi, he is my teddy bear, he's very chubby and soo cute! He's 6 and getting older, it's sad, I became depressed when our first dog passed away I can't even imagine how I will deal with him going, but I guess I will just have to wait and see and try not to worry about it...we also have Rusty, he's a sable, he's actually my sister's pup, but we watch him when she goes to work, because she works long days/nights. He is 2 and very energetic, but oh-so-adorable! We have two cats, both were/are my sisters, but my sister moved in after she got her first cat and then moved out and we refused to release the cat because we loved her SO much! And my sister got another cat and then moved back in again! So now we have two cats, they are so funny together. My sisters cat is only about 3 months whereas the first one is about 9 I believe or a year, she was a stray so we are not totally sure lol. But they remind me of a 14 year old girl with an 11 year old sister. Always trying to tag along and play! I doubt anyone reads this, but it's like a journal so that works haha...talking to myself...I do that a lot actually and I really hate it when people catch me. I know it looks or sounds weird, but stay out of my conversation lol. I do that at work, I'm usually by myself somewhere so I talk to myself...it's not like I am actually conversing with myself saying "Hey, how are you? Well I am just fine! Today is a good day. Is it? Yeah, so far. Except...." I just voice my thoughts like "wow this is fun. What is that?! Oh...I wonder when I will fall asleep tonight? Or if someone will end up keeping me awake. They like to do that...." yeah I know lol weird, but it works for me. I need to talk! We are watching tornado hunters, they're funny, they get sooo excited and then poof! no tornado and they are all sad! hmm well, my boy toy should be here in about a 1/2 hour I guess I will go...maybe read other people's blogs and see if anyone is as bored as me or if everyone just posts their crafts and talents!

Hmm...

Well, not much to talk about. Been going to work and hanging out with the boy toy. Some drama around the house with cops chasing people, which sadly is becoming normal for us so actually kind of boring lol. Glad no one has been shooting at each other this time though...That was ridiculous!

blah beginning, extraordinary ending....

My day today started with the same I am mad at my boyfriend, I don't want to talk to him, blah, blah, blah...today we have been together for a month and he didn't say one word to me until after 3 o'clock. Yeah I know, I am SO young, one month is nothing! But it feels like forever! So anyways, I went to the doctors to get Birth Control, we haven't had sex, but we've talked about it and better to be safe than sorry so I got it...I found out I have a bladder infection, so I got even more meds lol gotta love that! I really hate taking pills and I'm really bad about it so I am not excited haha. I got the shot for HPV as well, the first one and that hurt! Shots don't usually bother me, but this one stung! Then I went to get some bloodwork and I was dehydrated so the lady could not get into my vein so she made me switch arms because the vein in my right arm was stronger, but she still had problems so I have 3 holes poked into me, one is bruising and all 3 bled...it sucked haha. Then my bf finally texts me after two days saying "we need to talk" so I was like oh great, this bodes well...and he came over a few hours later and I was waiting for him outside and the first thing he says to me is, "You are so stubborn." And kinda smiled and I couldn't help but smile back and say oh I know lol you pissed me off! And he blames me! for the whole thing! Which I get y'know, we don't have a lot of time together, but I really need the hours! I'm broke today after going to the doctors! What am I supposed to do?! But we agreed to blame each other and are fine now. I warned him it's going to happen again, it's part of life...he said no lol and that when he came over he was ready to say that this was too stressful for him to deal with and it wouldn't work. I had kinda accepted the possibility of us breaking up and I think that's because I still hope for my old guy friend, but I'm happy with my boy toy, I am glad we are still together :)

Driving me nuts!!

So...yesterday lol I went to see Eclipse and A-Team at a lower theater here in town, it's an old local place that I absolutely love! One; Because it is SOO much cheaper! and two! because it's historical lol really cool to be watching movies in a place that's over 60 years old! I'm young, 60 seems like a lot! Haha and I liked both movies! It was great! Today my boyfriend and I have been together for a month! whoo! lol except we are not talking...he made me angry yesterday because he was annoyed that I stayed a few hours late at work and it cut into "our" time. Which I understand, we don't get a lot of time to ourselves, but really he works two jobs! What am I supposed to do when I am offered hours and I really need them? He's not going to pay for my bills! Just ugh! Gah! He hasn't talked to me for almost two days now and I really do not want to even try talking to him. I feel like I really should want to, but I don't...he made a comment before he stopped talking to me that he couldn't wait a few days to see me. Sweet, right? Basically he's horny so I told him he could, just y'know, deal with it lol and he said no it doesn't work, I need you because I don't want to have to find it somewhere else. Bad move, dude and he so does not even realize!! I am not going to be the one to give in, I realize this is really me just being stubborn and probably not good for our relationship, but c'mon! Really?! He and I have been friends for almost ten years now and awhile back he decided he liked me, I guess? But now it just seems like he wanted to be physical with me.At first, I wasn't interested because I really liked this other guy who I work with and I just was so hooked on him and was not interested in my friend/now bf. But then the guy I really liked hurt me, emotionally, I mean. And I said, ok, I am done I cannot do this with him anymore. He obviously doesn't want me that way and idk if I can forgiven him, it's been two months and he's barely been able to nudge me. The problem is, that I think I still like him and I think more so than my now bf...idk what to do. I feel like I settled for a great guy, which doesn't make sense! But when I see the guy I "used" to like, I light up! I instantly want to talk to him and tell him everything. It takes so much energy to not text him or message him in the middle of the day when I don't see him. He is so easy to talk to and he's so honest when he gives feedback. He's hilarious, he makes me laugh like crazy, but he can keep a serious and intelligent conversation. He's a hardworker, he's sarcastic but in a funny way. But he is so oblivious to me...he sees me only as a friend. I like to think that he's jealous now that I have a bf, but I seriously doubt that is the case...my now bf is...idk, he's a hardworker, he's charming and sweet...but I don't feel that compatibility like I do with my old guy friend...I don't want to break it off and break his heart...I want him to break it off! Which is so not good! I decided I wanted to be with him and only a month later I don't?! Why can't I make up my mind? I am so emotional it is driving me nuts!!